Self compassion is essential, but it can be so difficult to practice. If you’re struggling with self compassion, it might be because you first have to earn your own trust again.
You’ve probably spent an entirely lifetime not taking your own needs seriously. Motivating yourself through anxiety and threats, telling yourself “why can’t you just” or “nothing’s wrong, why are you so messed up?!” and it’s going to take a bit of time before you can feel safe with yourself, and trust that you’re not just going to go back to the old, harsh ways when things get tough. Do what it takes to earn your trust.
Compassionate realism works better than false positivity.
Also, the concept of the three systems that regulate our emotions – Threat, Drive, and Soothe. Each system is important, but it’s easy to fall into using “threat” or “drive” systems to regulate yourself rather than “soothe”.
Very briefly, the Threat System is when we use anxiety to motivate ourselves, and results in heightened adrenaline and cortisol.
Drive System is when we chase dopamine – exercise, playing games, getting into arguments (anger releases dopamine too).
Soothe System is activated by being compassionate, doing soothing activities that release serotonin or oxytocin. Cuddling with a pet, reading a good story, having a warm bath, listening to nature sounds etc.
Each of these can be very useful – being a bit anxious about a deadline can help you meet it, for example. And going for a run or cycle, or playing a game to you enjoy is also good and useful.
But it’s easy to fall into unbalanced habits and rely on Threat and Drive only, and neglect Soothe.
The podcast has some practical examples of how to activate that soothe drive, but here are some of mine:
Sitting in front of a heater with my rats. This is Dash, giving me a manicure.
Sorting things by colour. These are pebbles I picked up on a beach in Datça.
Being outside in nature. This is a view of the top of Constantia Neck, just before the reservoir.
Masha du Toit 
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